The Simpsons Homertorium








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Phil Hartman

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I'll tell you about the time I got locked in the bank vault with Mr. Mooney.  It was another of my hairbrained schemes ... Wait a minute.   That was a "Lucy Show."

I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer.  Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats.

(in a letter to Marge)

You deserve all the finest things in the world and although I can give them to you, they will be repossessed and I will be hunted down like a dog.

Once upon a time there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw and all the village people tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough.  So, they got Hercules and Hercules used his mighty strength and bingo! Anyway, the moral is: the lion was so happy, he gave Hercules this big thing of riches.

Dammit, I'm no supervising technician.  I'm a technical supervisor.  It's too late to teach this old dog new tricks.

Marge, there's just too much pressure, what with my job, the kids, traffic snarls, political strife at home and abroad.  but i promise you, the second all those things go away, we'll have sex.

HomerYour old meat made me sick!

ApuI'm so sorry.  Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp.

HomerThis shrimp isn't frozen and it smells funny.

ApuOkay, ten pounds.

HomerWoo hoo!

BartWow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me.  How do you feel?

HomerOh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.

Ned FlandersWait, Homer. What did you just say?

HomerI said shut your ugly face, Flanders!

Don't worry, I have a plan! I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, ...keeping its speed over 50,... and if its speed dropped- it would explode!  I think it was called..."The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down".            play sound

Ah, aah.  Man it feels good to get out of that car.  Oh, go-karts!! C'mon everyone, let's go!

BartWatch out, Radioactive Man!...

Homer...Marge, do you have men in this house?! Radioactive men??

There there, shut-up boy.

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