The Simpsons Homertorium








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(opening a letter)

Oh my god, someone's trying to kill me! Oh wait, it's for Bart.

To alchohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!

(Mr. Burns finds homer in his microbe-free chamber, eating a sandwich)

Mr. BurnsWho the Devil are you?

Homer's brain: Don't panic, just come up with a good story.

HomerMy name is Mr. Burns.

Homer's brain: D'oh!

(gasp) Oh my god! This man is my exact double!

(gasp) That dog has a puffy tail! Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee! (chasing dog) Here puff! Here puff! Hee hee hee hee hee!

HomerBut wait.  You can't kill me for being Krusty.  I'm not him.  I'm Homer Simpson.

Fat TonyThe same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?

HomerUh ... actually my name is Barney.  Yeah.   Barney Gumble.

Mobster 1: The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister?

HomerUh, actually my real name is uh, think Krusty, think, Joe Valachi.

Mobster 2: The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about organized crime?

HomerBenedict Arnold!

Mobster 1: The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?


Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

I've figured out the boy's punishment.   First: he's grounded.  No leaving the house, not even for school.   Second: no eggnog.  In fact, no nog, period.  And third, absolutely no stealing for three months.

God bless those pagans!        play sound

MargeNo, I will not pay you five hundred dollars for sex!!

HomerAw, come on Marge! You're getting something in return! And I'm getting a bowling team.  It's win-win!

MargeIt's sick! And i don't have that kind of money to spend n sex! Maybe you could get someone with money to sponsor your team.  Like Mr. Burns.

HomerPfft.  Burns never gives money to anybody.   Just last week, I asked him for fifteen hundred dollars.

MargeFor what?

HomerOh, I've got to get the third degree from you, too?

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