The Simpsons Homertorium








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I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49.  Everyone listens to me! No matter how dumb my suggestions are.

I think Smithers picked me because of my motivaltional skills.   Everyone always says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.

MargeHomer, is this the way you pictured married life?

HomerYup, pretty much.  Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Second class? What about Social Security, bus discounts, Medic-Alert jewelry, Gold Bond powder, pants all the way up to your armpits, and all those other senior perks? Oh, if you ask me, old folks have it pretty sweet.

HomerOkay, okay, don't panic.  To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders!

Homer's Brain: I'm a big four-eyed lame-o and I wear the same stupid sweater everyday, and -

HomerThe Springfield River!

HomerWhere ar you going at this hour?

BartOn a treasure hunt.

HomerOh, can I come?

Grampa SimpsonOnly if you're ready to stare danger in the face, put your manhood to the ultimate test, and take -


You can be the first to try out the new guest bedroom I built.   Remember, if the building inspector comes by, it's not a room, it's a windowbox.

Come here, Apu.  If it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

Look Marge, you don't know what it's like - I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line.  And I'm not tout of order! You're out of order! The whole freaking system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that used to be your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!

Oh my god! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them!

Kent BrockmanKent Brockman at the action news desk.  A massive tanker has run aground on the central coastline, spilling millions of gallons of oil on Baby Seal Beach.

LisaOh no!

HomerIt'll be okay, honey.  There's lots more oil where that came from.

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