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Phil Hartman

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This year I invested in pumpkins.  They've been goin' up the whole month of October and I've got a feeling they're going to peek right around January and BANG! That's when I'll cash in!

"It Was A Very Good Beer" (sung to the tune of "It Was A Very Good Year")          play sound

When I was 17 / I drank some very good beer / I drank some very good beer / I purchased with a fake I.D. / My name was Brian McGee / I stayed up listening to Queen / When I was 17

If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing.

(reading a map)

"To overcome the spider's curse, simply quote a Bible verse." Uh ... thou shalt not ... oooh.

(throws a rock at the spider, knocking it senseless)

In America, first you get 'da sugar, then you get 'da power, then you get ... 'da women.

The bee bit my bottom, now my bottom's big!

Well, you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman.   You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

Hey, if you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things!

Alright, stay calm. Remember your training.

(opens book with hollowed out center.)

(reading note): Dear Homer, I owe you one emergency donut, signed Homer.

Bastard! He's always one step ahead!

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