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In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!             play sound

College Professor: Now, I'm, uh, going to burn this donut to show you how many calories it has.


College Professor: The bright blue flame indicates this was a particularly sweet donut.

Homer(crying) This is not happening! This is not happening!

Remember when I got caught stealing all those watches from Sears? Well that's nothing, because YOU have a gambling problem!   And remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house because he was dressed like Santa Claus? Well, YOU have a gambling problem!            play sound

HomerAah, I love these lazy Saturdays.

MargeIt's Wednesday, Homer.

HomerAaah! Work!              play sound

Aah, I love these real Saturdays.  They're so relaxing, -unlike that fake Saturday that almost got me fired!             play sound

Homer's Brain: This is it, Homer.  Time to tell the terrible secret from your past.

HomerMarge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.

MargeOh my god!

Homer's Brain: No, the other secret!

HomerMarge, I never graduated from high school.

MargeThat still doesn't explain why you ate my soap.   Wait.  Maybe it does.

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